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Have you ever felt like everything was going right in your relationship? You are laughing, communicating well, when all of a sudden the mood has dramatically shifted? What just happened? Chances are you’ve rubbed up against a “raw spot” in the relationship. According to Dr. Sue Johnson, founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy, almost all of us have at least one hypersensitivity, or “raw spot” that, when rubbed in a relationship, can cause immediate feelings of emotional detachment, hurt, and abandonment. Learn how to spot the raw spots in your relationships, and, more importantly, how to heal them. Tony refers to Helena Madsen’s article “Living with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde,” in the podcast. https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/chronic-illness-hypersensitivity-relationships/
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For many, a faith community, or religious congregation, is a safe place to return regularly to be spiritually fed before heading back to an often chaotic world. But what happens when that previously “safe” community begins to feel like a place where one is no longer welcome? Is the problem with the individual, or with the community, or congregation? If you are a parent to someone who is experiencing a faith crisis, what do you do? Are there certain things that you say that seem to trigger emotional responses that appear to come out of nowhere? If you’re the one experiencing the “faith crisis” how do you communicate with your family or faith community?
Tony explores this topic from a variety of angles, from empathy, and Christlike love, to explore what it means to judge righteously, and why identifying as someone more connected to Truth, Beauty, or Goodness matters? And finally, Tony discusses James Fowler’s Stages of Faith, and how understanding where you are, or where a loved one may be, can help bring more peace, and understanding, into a relationship where a belief system is at the core of the disagreements.
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Have you ever heard the phrase “Happy Wife, Happy Life?” As cliched as it sounds, there may actually be some data to back it up. A study published in the Los Angeles Times in the late ’90s, that has since been built upon, shares that the key to a strong marriage is for a husband to be willing to accept his wife’s influence. Tony talks about why simply “active listening” is not enough, and how this study, published by the Gottman Institute, paved the way for more of the evidence-based marriage therapy programs like John Gottman’s own work in empathy and understanding, as well as how this work affected modalities like Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for couples.
The article referenced in the podcast can be found here
https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-1998-feb-21-mn-21412-story.html more information on John and Julie Gottman can be found at http://gottman.com and more information on Tony, and the Virtual Couch podcast can be found at http://tonyoverbay.com
Visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to learn more about Tony's upcoming book: He's a Porn Addict, Now What? An Expert and a Former Addict Answer Your Questions. And you can find out more about Tony's pornography recovery program The Path Back by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com
The Virtual Couch is sponsored by http://Betterhelp.com/virtualcouch Betterhelp.com is the world's leading provider of online therapy. Their mission is to make professional counseling accessible, affordable, and convenient, so anyone who struggles with life's challenges can get help, anytime, anywhere. Head to http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch for 10% off your first month of services.
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Tony Overbay interviews Julie Lee, Host of the “I See You” podcast and author of the children’s book Broccolipunzle: A Fractured Fairytale. Julie talks about her personal journey with anxiety and depression. Julie grew up in a family of six children, with a father who battled bipolar disorder. She never thought that she would deal with mental illness until one day she found herself in the middle of a panic attack at the beginning of her teaching career. That initial panic attack led her back home to confront her own internal demons. Julie fought the stigma of mental illness, medication, and dealing with childhood issues to eventually find herself loving life again. Julie acknowledges that she may always be susceptible to those feelings of anxiety and depression moving forward, but she has a much clearer view of who she is as a person, and how self-compassion and connection will ultimately lead her to a more fulfilling, peace-filled life. You can learn more about Julie at https://iseeyoupodcast.com/home
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Tired of negative patterns of communication in your marriage, or in relationships in general? Well, today is your lucky day! Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a structured approach to couples therapy based on the science of adult attachment and bonding that has mounds of research behind it. Studies find that 70-75% of couples move from distress to recovery, and approx 90% show significant improvements. One of the first things you’ll need to do is find where you are in the Demon Dialogues? Do you and your spouse try to “Find the Bad Guy?” Or are you firmly doing the “Protest Polka?” You need to figure this out before reaching the “Freeze and Flee” which can ultimately lead feelings that the marriage isn’t salvageable. Learn more about these patterns and how to avoid them. Tony references Dr. Sue Johnson’s article http://drsuejohnson.com/where-does-love-go-wrong/ and pulls from http://iceeft.com
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Amy Twiggs is a sports performance coach who works with athletes, from beginners to professionals, in the field of mental coaching. Amy shares how to build confidence as an athlete, as well as what parents, and coaches, need to know in order to get the most from an athlete while still helping the athlete figure out who they are, and what they want from life, and from their sport. Amy is the host of the Flippin' Awesome Coaching for Athletes podcast. Amy is a former elite gymnast and national team member, she graduated from Stanford with a degree in psychology. Amy focuses on health and development, as well and performance and confidence. Amy has been working specifically with athletes for the past 15 years. You can find Amy at http://amytwiggs.com http://flippinawesomecoaching.com
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Gaslighting is a form of control, which comes from the 1938 play Gas Light (later made into a film, starring Ingrid Bergman). The victims of gaslighting often bring things up to a partner that they believe to be true, only to end a conversation with...