May 18, 2022
Shame, Shame Go Away...And Don't Come Back Another Day!

Why do we often default to shame? Tony Overbay, LMFT, often says that in working with individuals trying to overcome addiction or trying to be the very best version of themselves, exactly 0 out of a few thousand people he has worked with have used shame as a tool for recovery. Yet when we stop […]

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May 6, 2022
Coercion, Carrots and Sticks - All Get the Donkey to Move But at What Cost?

Tony takes excerpts from David Foster Wallace's "This Is Water," Kenyon College commencement speech to discuss the need to step outside of our own ego, and experience, in order to understand others https://fs.blog/david-foster-wallace-this-is-water/ He then discusses Russ Harris's ACT metaphor "Donkeys, Carrots and Sticks" to talk about using love, or coercion to get our needs […]

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May 6, 2022
Virtual Couch Book Club - Tony and Nate Christensen, APCC Review "Dopamine Nation" by Anna Lembke

Nate Christensen, APCC and host of the Working Change podcast, joins Tony to discuss "Dopamine Nation, Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence" by Anna Lembke https://www.amazon.com/Dopamine-Nation-Finding-Balance-Indulgence-ebook/dp/B08KPKHVXQ/ Tony and Preston Pugmire are getting ready to launch another round of their popular Magnetic Marriage course! Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/magnetic to get on the waitlist. Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to […]

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April 27, 2022
How to Improve Your Marriage in 45 Minutes or Less - Understanding Influence vs Control

What is the difference between influence, control, and love? Is there room in a relationship to influence your partner, or do you simply need to let them be? Tony takes a few pages from Dr. Russ Harris's book ACT Made Simple https://www.amazon.com/ACT-Made-Simple-Easy-Read/dp/1684033012/ to discuss the role, in healthy relationships, of influence. Tony and Preston Pugmire […]

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April 24, 2022
Should I Say or Should I Go?

Tony tackles the question he receives the most from listeners, should I stay or should I go? And if I decide to go, when? Plus he discusses what the training of ordinary mice to go through mazes can tell us about ourselves from Vanessa Van Edwards's article "Expectancy Effect: Improve Performance With This Human Behavior […]

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April 21, 2022
Stop Trying to Think You're Way Out of a Thinking Problem

Is it better to try and think your way out of, or through your problems or are you only making things worse? How can simply acknowledging your issues, and looking at them with curiosity actually help? Tony discusses the article, “How Analyzing Your Problems May Be Counterproductive,” by Ray Williams https://contextualscience.org/node/4935 Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for […]

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April 16, 2022
The Cure for the Pathological Loneliness of the Narcissistic Discard - Moving from Self-Love Deficit to Abundance

Ending your relationship with a narcissist can leave one feeling discarded, less than, and what Ross Rosenberg, author of “Human Magnet Syndrome” calls “Pathologically lonely.” That loneliness is part of what Rosenberg Identifies as “Self-Love Deficit Disorder.” https://www.selfloverecovery.com/pages/self-love-deficit-disorder-and-self-love-abundance In today’s episode, Tony reads a few listener reviews, and then he addresses Rosenberg’s model to move from “Self-Love […]

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April 14, 2022
Do You Want Advice, or Do You Want Validation?

Tony asks the question, are you really looking for advice or validation? Tony reads Hunter S. Thompson's iconic "Letter on Finding Your Purpose and Living a Meaningful Life." Thompson wrote the letter in April of 1958 at the age of 22 to his friend, Hume Logan, in response to Logan's request for life advice. Many […]

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April 6, 2022
Hope in Healing - Working w/ Couples Through Betrayal, Pornography and Shame w/ Sam Tielemans LMFT

Tony welcomes therapist and friend Sam Tielemans, LMFT, to the Virtual Couch. They cover topics from shame's role in furthering addictive behaviors to why working with your spouse can ultimately be a powerful way to enhance recovery. They tackle the challenging issue of pornography, is it an addiction or does that matter when it comes […]

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April 2, 2022
Isolating, Monitoring and Manipulation, Oh My! Coercive Control In the Narcissistic Relationship

Tony Overbay, LMFT, defines "Coercive Control," as more than domestic violence. Courts across the country are now including isolation, monitoring one's movements, finances, daily behaviors, and more. Tony refers to the article "Does Your Relationship Include Coercive Control," by Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/5-types-people-who-can-ruin-your-life/202203/does-your-relationship-include-coercive-control Tony mentioned his "Magnetize Your Marriage" workshop happening on April 7th. If […]

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